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Part 1 Despair chapter 1

1 It’s been too long when I lose you ‘Saumya …’ But I never felt that I was too far from you ...? Your thought always hitched in my mind. I was feeling hopeless in front of them… “Something...., I just want to surrender in front of you…..” Although this was not real but I cannot negotiate that it’s been in my mind. My eyes were closed…. I was feeling…. I was floating on the ocean, my eyes were in the sky, and my face was not wet. But from shoulder to toe my whole body was damp. Because I never lose hope......, my eyes were not blinking. Even I could not overwhelm......? The water of the ocean was helping me to swim in the ocean. I was checking all the sides of the ocean, as far as I could see, I could not see the land. It seemed that the oceans had taken all the lands in their lapped. Oceans just looks like interminable and formless similar to our idea… They are also everlasting, infinitude or indestructible. I want to come with you….. I just mumbling to myself, looking into the sky. I know that the reason God had been predicting my life and I had to eagerly wait for my new era or new things of my life with new oaths. I was staring at you in the clouds, I could imagine you...? I was trying to making pictures in clouds. The shapes of the clouds were looks like my memories. I had Images of my grandmamma, my father and mother. My childhood life, Shapes of the trees, where we used to ride tires, one temple. In last I had to see that; one big bus was there, and I see you.... you said bye to me, and you smiled. I never forget that biggest cursed day of my life. You gave me a hug on that morning, and I did not want to let you go there..... Then it felt like I had lost you, I lost my whole world in one moment, and everything was going to end. I saw one big triangle. That bus started running on that triangle. The bus was going round by round........ Suddenly I lose my relaxation. I thought someone was pulling me in the water, I was using my hands and legs to save my life. I started taking breathe from my mouth and exhale from also the mouth. The sound of my breathing is coming like hash... hash... I had to apply a lot of force on every single breath. But my eyes were on the sky. They did not want to lose you once again I saw that bus was also had been getting disturbed on this way and met with an accident. Now, it was just hanging on the lagoon of a big triangle... I forget about my breathing. I continued watching the bus. When I inhale, it just comes out over the slope, when I exhale the breath, then once again it just started sliding down from the big triangle. This was my condition, which I am...? I want to save you, but how was that possible? When conditions go out of the human thinking, those who do not even know about it, and they are trapped in their own trap, just like a spider sometimes suffers in the trap of self. Then......, the Bus lose their last hope too, I saw everywhere blue sky was changed into their hues at looks like doomsday is coming and we have the last day on earth than one big hurricane takes me inside. I want to come out. I want to save you...... I want to help you Sousa...., but this hurricane...... I have fear of losing you... "If our luck allows, in the end. So, we have to end our life together...? And I saw the bus is crashed from the triangles and then blast and I stop fighting and going inside in the hurricane. Know I was telling kill me, kill me. I'm coming to you...... sau...m ya? Then my eyes were closed.