CHAPTER-2

I’ve been counting my scars; their numbers grow fast as my pain grows more every day. It feels like there’s a hole in my chest right where my heart is supposed to be.

Today is the first day of my senior year in high school. The alarm’s blaring noise wakes me up from sleep to start the day I’ve been dreading since the second my last year’s finals ended. And now it has finally come.

I get out of the bed and walk to the window, to get some fresh air in my lungs. It’s a cold day today, but not as cold as the hearts of my tormentors.

But maybe… Maybe things will be different this year. Maybe I’ll find myself talking and eating and socializing again. Maybe Tracy would finally forgive me, maybe she’ll finally go back to the being the sweet girl she used to be in middle school. Maybe Marcus will finally realize how wrong his actions are. Maybe people will realize that the emo looking girl doesn’t self harm and stop bullying her about it. Maybe I’ll be able to build up enough courage to go up to that sweet guy and ask him what his name is. Maybe. But probably not.

I take a deep breath and close the window, to prevent anymore of the cold breeze to seep into my room. I quickly undress and walk inside the shower.

The hot water flows down my body, relaxing my stiff muscles. I hiss in pain as the water touches the fresh cuts on my wrists. It washes away all the dried up blood from last night, it washes away all the numbness that I’d gained last night with it.

I grab a towel, get out of the shower, and dry myself down before getting dressed. My scars burn as I pull on a denim jacket over my tshirt.

I unlock my bedroom door and peer outside in the cold corridor which consists of only two doors; one door is my father’s bedroom and the other is the one I am standing in. My father’s bedroom door is fully ajar and I could see him lying on his bed, sleeping. He looks so peaceful, and it reminds me of things. Things that I don’t want to remember, things that I’d dreamt about last night.

I watch him for a few minutes before grabbing my things and padding downstairs into the kitchen. I grab a protein bar and get out of the house before he wakes up.

The air was even colder outside. I sigh and wrap my scarf around myself to protect myself from the cold. The scarf settles a feeling of hatred inside me, it used to belong to my mother. My mother who was a coward just like me, who couldn’t handle living anymore even though nothing was wrong in her life. My mother who’d killed herself.

Even though I hated her, a small part of me couldn’t help but feel sorry for her, a small part of me couldn’t help but understand why she’d killed herself.

I start walking towards my school, with my head down and Pierce The Veil blaring into my ears through my earphones.

The long and cold walk to school was pleasant compared to the atmosphere inside it.

People everywhere. It’s like a roaring sea of teenagers in there, talking, laughing, shouting, and pushing each other to get through the crowd.

I take a deep breath and push into the crowd, trying to get to my locker and also hoping; hoping that the crowd would help me blend in so that he doesn’t notice me.

 I’d successfully prevented myself from thinking about him since the last day I was in school. But now I’ll have to face him again. I’ll have to face the guy who helped me sabotage my friendship with Tracy. The guy who said he loved me yet broke all of his promises to me. The guy who was now dating my former best friend, just like he was dating her when he made all those promises to me.

But of course that was too good to hope for, just like all the other things I hope for every second of everyday.

‘Alice.’

My name, whispered in my ear by a voice so familiar, a voice I had trusted in the past. Dylan’s voice. It sends a chill right down my spine and suddenly my whole body freezes. I can’t think, I can’t move. I stand there being pushed around by the crowd, dreading whatever was going to happen next.